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Joke of the Day

"[mysterious British man rescues me] Me: How? Him: Bond [introducing himself as we leave prison], bail bond."

"What is the world coming to? Youporn"

"I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl... they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too."

"Asked my friend who works at the tampon store if he could get me a discount He said he'd pull some strings."

"Oh, you love your boyfriend? Please, go ahead and saturate my Facebook news feed with your feelings."

"How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month."

"What did the tomato say to the mushroom? ""You're a fun guy"""

"An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant. ""Well sir"" replied the villager ""we ain't got one now. He died last week."""

"I thought I was watching 50 shades of Grey But I realised it was just a porno. I could tell the difference because they were having consensual sex."

"What's common between a good boyfriend and a lion? They're both ready to eat you"