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Joke of the Day

"""I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you're getting screwed."" - Car insurance commercials"

"As soon as I can go a full year without losing a pair of sunglasses, then maybe I'll be ready to take care of a kid."

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"i mean, at some point the Absolute Funniest Thing Ever happened and i'd bet you $75 it involved a huge fart."

"Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless."

"A Jewish boy goes to his father and asks for 50 cents... ""I don't have 40 cents. What do you want with 30 cents? Here's 20 cents."""

"Why do fish live in salt water? Because *pepper* makes them sneeze!"

"LAMP FOR SALE: gold, antique, good patina, evil genie, functions like new, you will be killed, shiny, polished, be careful what you wish for"

"2 eggs were on a frying pan One of them says: ""Gee, it's really hot in here!"" The other egg says: ""HOLY CRAP, A TALKING EGG!"""

"Anthropology It'll get you laid, but it won't get you paid."