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Joke of the Day

"When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice, Not this ""Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!"" nonsense."

"[end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME:"

"1 in 5 American children are now on food stamps which is why we must cut food stamps to reduce their dependency on food."

"Why was the Narwhal kicked off the volleyball team? He was always spiking the ball."

"My dad's better than your dad... Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better. ""My dad's a fireman"" said Billy. ""My dad's a marine!"" said Johnny. ""My dad's invisible."" said Brian."

"You think you know someone, then you find out they like porn with a plot."

"Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it."

"I would do unspeakable things for a sandwich right now, like actually get up & make one."

"Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend either the car is new or the girlfriend is."

"Google+ is not a ""ghost town"", because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun."