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Joke of the Day

"My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own."

"My kid was saying they wanted an Omnitrix that let him change into pokemon So am like...you want to be a ditto?"

"Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead"

"While commemorating my father's various physical feats, one friend asked if he was ""shredded"". He was cremated. :("

"Follow your dreams, do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life! Because they're not hiring in that field."

"I have a very defined ab. That's not a typo, I only have a single ab"

"What do sex, Mexican food, and pizza have in common? They're all easy to do decent but hard to do great."

"How does Peter Pan fly? If someone hit you in the Peter with a Pan, you'd fly too."

"Have you ever heard of the s-shaped well? It's pretty swell. And I would tell you about the d-shaped well, but I'd rather not dwell on it."

"Did you hear what they named the plane that carried nurse #1 to Maryland? The Ebola gay"