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Joke of the Day

"I read in an American newspaper last night ""15 die in twister""... ...I don't think you're playing it right."

"I charged my phone, but I didn't have enough evidence to indict, so I had to let it go."

"Why do teenage girls have groups in odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"A short poem for y'all... ""*Roses are black* *Violets are black* *Everything's black* *Even I am black*"" - Stevie Wonder"

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]"

"Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the ""L"" out of them!"

"Q: What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker? A: A dressmaker tucks up frills."

"*renames my kids South and East, and leaves them on Kanye's doorstep*"

"What do you call a group of paralyzed hippies? Organic Vegetables."