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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my alcohol... XXX."

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"Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? His wife is dead."
"The past, the present, and the future... The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar together. It was tense."
"It's taken me ages... ...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book. It's about time."
"How do you say doormat in Spanish? Matador"
"A law student walks into the bar... ...and passes with flying colors."
"When I hear the word ""aftermath"" - it always makes me hungry. At school, lunch period followed Math class, so we ate ""aftermath"""
"Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! ""Sir we don't ..."" Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?"
"If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too."
"The quickest way to avoid a conversation on Facebook is by clicking like."