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Joke of the Day

"TECH TIP: to prolong your iPhone's battery life, keep it surrounded by a small Druidic altar of oak leaves and blanched chicken bones #tech"

"News reports say that someone stole all the toilets from the police station downtown. The cops have nothing to go on."

"Have you heard about Prince Oxygen? He is heir to the throne."

"Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later"

"It's so rude when someone's phone goes off in class. Some of us are trying to sleep."

"Why did Nietzche's Shop go out of business? He accepted eternal returns."

"Oxygen and Magnesium walk into a bar... OMg!"

"Damn girl, you remind me of my mother! /* indistinguishable sobs *"

"Have you seen www.pitchdark.com? Yes but I really couldn't see what all the fuss is about."

"What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot"