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Joke of the Day

"Why did Nietzche's Shop go out of business? He accepted eternal returns."

"Why did Jared stop eating subway? (NSFW) Because now he prefers cheese pizza"

"What's a good comeback for a women when she's asked to get her husband a sandwich? She better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

"Had a terrifying lucid dream of getting stabbed and slashed from behind with a huntersknife & people making fun of me for being uneasy after"

"Why was the Ethiopian baby crying? He was having a mid-life crisis"

"Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I'm like ""Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"""

"whats the difference between cancer and black people? cancer got jobs. (too soon.)"

"My girlfriend's got conjunctionitis It makes her 'ands swell up"

"Really Smooth. I lied told my dad that school was canceled. He said,"" lets go see a movie."" We got in the car and he dropped me off at school."

"*burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid DOCTOR: You mean constipated ME: No I've had a vowel movement DOCTOR: Get out"