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Joke of the Day

"she used to like me. boy: k girl: every kiss begins with k boy: too bad ugly starts with u! girl:... boy: apply cold water to that burn"

"What is better than Porn? HD Porn"

"[At the ferret store] I'll take five of those furry slinkys"

"My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions."

"I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday."

"My mother always scolded me for losing my stuff in school when I was a kid... That's probably the reason why I can't lose my virginity now."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Strokin' Off"

"Kids are like farts. You can just about stand your own."

"So my fiancee rolls over, wakes me up, and says, ""honey, your alarm is going off."" I say..... ""pics or didn't happen."""

"Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together."