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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell when a mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean"

"The worst part about eating at Outback is when I don't finish my steak and they hang my picture on the 'Wall of Faggots'."

"*takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache CW: *hands me 5 Advil* Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do"

"The early bird might get the worm... But the second mouse gets the cheese."

"I act like I don't care but deep inside I still don't give a fcuk."

"Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering ""...it would be so easy..."""

"Hey, boy. Are you a Swiss army knife? Because you're a smaller, less effective version of everything I need."

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Paedophiles are a myth paedophiles are a myth and ya nan is a terrorist."

"What's the difference between choking sex and necrophilia? About 5 minutes"