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Joke of the Day

"My dad put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like, ""You're five years old? When I was your age, I was six"""

Next Joke
 
"I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face."
"Two part joke Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree? A. He paints his balls red. Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa? A. Giraffes eating apples."
"Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes."
"All I'm saying is that the Care Bears gave me some very unrealistic expectations."
"why couldn't the imperial guard sniff out the money trail in skyrim? because of a deviated septim"
"What does a dog have in common with a near-sighted gynecologist? They both have wet noses."
"Such bullshit that people stop saying ""You ate it all! Good job!"" once you reach a certain age"
"What did Donkey Kong say when Mario asked him for help for some schoolwork? ""I D K"""
"If ANY of my posts have made even one person's day better,, then there's something seriously wrong with that person"