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Joke of the Day

"How do you become a kleptomaniac? You pick it up from other people"

"I spend half of my time thinking about fractions Well, not exactly half...."

"[crime show] DETECTIVE: It looks like the guy that inserts dramatic music into our show has been.. *Flintstones theme song plays* Murdered"

"Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans? Because it was soda pressing."

"The key to parenting is moderation. For example, if baby wants to play with the cutlery, only give him a few steak knives."

"SexyButtPotato So somebody has been uploading my nudes from when I was a teen... Makes me mildly uncomfortable. http://imgur.com/5Gd9VUI"

"Why are frogs happy? Because they eat what bugs them.. Source: 3rd grader told me this joke.."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate the pie before it was cool."

"""How high are you! ?"" demanded the officer. ""No Officer, it's ""Hi, how are you?""."" replied the kid."

"If farmer A sells apples and farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell? Medicine."