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Joke of the Day

"Boss: ""late again I see"" Brain: think of a good excuse! Mouth: ""your moms late."" Brain: wow...."

"Wife: oh honey, I didn't marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you."

"Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision."

"A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" the pirate responds ""ARGH! it drives me nuts!"""

"What do you call a duck that's a drug addict? A quack-head."

"We live in a society that's the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones."

"Relax lady, I don't want your husband. I just want the sandwich he's eating."

"Why won't Monica Lewinsky be voting for Hillary? Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth."

"(Warning, this is worse than those laffy-taffy jokes) Why don't engineers have sex with much frequency? Because it hertz!"

"Women can be sexist too It's just that men are better at it like everything else."