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Joke of the Day

"What do robots do on a one night stand? He nuts and bolts"

"Pretty sure that Twitter is not one of the seven habits of highly effective people."

"When I wrote ""Spiritual"" on my online-dating profile, I meant I like to watch 'Ghostbusters'."

"Remember when only the really cool people were on Twitter? Oh, you weren't here then? Oops, my bad..."

"Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Probably an award or something. I mean, that would be pretty crazy. Alternative punch line: I don't know. The zoo won't let me try."

"It drives me fucking crazy when people post questions on Facebook that could easily be answered with a basic google search."

"Magneto spent his high school years dating girls with braces."

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard"

"Frisbee. I went to the park with my son and he brought his frisbee. We started throwing it around and after a while I started to wonder why frisbees get bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me..."