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Joke of the Day

"Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*"

"Why'd God make women pretty but dumb? They're pretty, so men will like them. They're dumb, so they will like men. Courtesy of the great movie Ip Man 3 which I watched yesterday."

"I got my first blow job today It sucked"

"Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner."

"Q: Why did Ebenezer Scrooge go to New York City? A: To see the Grumpire State Building."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a case of beer? He's okay. It was light beer."

"What do you call a female peacock? A peacunt."

"I've never eaten the right amount of Indian food."

"Me: I could tell you, but I'd have to- Him: Kill me? hahaha Me: No, talk to you. And I don't wanna do that."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says... ""Barkeeper, I'll have a beer and a mop"""