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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard."

"My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea. The steaks would be too high."

"My Grandpa once said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"A brand new cemetery for the greats now will let anyone be buried there Lots of people are dying to get in!"

"whats black and burns? stevie wonder answering the iron"

"Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it and another one to change it back again."

"You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor"

"Always tweet as if your unfollowers are watching."

"Not to freak everybody out but my new desk calendar ends in 2012"

"I really hate seeing old people fall over, it makes me feel so bad. Maybe I should stop tripping them over."