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Joke of the Day

"You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor"

"My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted."

"Why did Jared lose so much weight? He always went for the 6 instead of the 12"

"What do you call a drunk dinosaur? A Staggersaurus."

"That deli has a reputation for sub-par hoagies, ...but the one I had was exactly average."

"Red. My least favorite urine color."

"""I don't want a lot for Christmas."" Later... ""All I want for Christmas is you."" EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH."

"When people see ghosts, why aren't they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?"

"Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back Luckily I was the one facing the TV"

"Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers."