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Joke of the Day

"Batman: I told you, if it's mine you have to say bat before it.. Like bat-mobile, bat-arang.. Doctor: Fine, you have bat-herpes"

"What did they stamp on the Asian baby as he came out of his mother's womb? Made in Va-China."

"What do you call a spoiled sausage? A brat-wurst."

"What are Pirate clothes made of? Yarrrrrn."

"So You Think You're The One Guy Who Can Wear A Fedora Without Looking Like A Douche"

"I'll never understand why the guy that invented Braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters."

"If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road."

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked"

"Totally thought I was on the phone with my mom for an hour today. Was Daniel Day Lewis the whole time. Damn he's good."

"What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names..."