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Joke of the Day

"""Hello, Pizza Hut"" Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? ""eight"" And a medium? ""eight"" *long pause* I'd like to speak with your manager"

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"I double majored in TV and burritos."
"REV. SHARPTON Calling Al Sharpton a reverend is like calling Jeffrey Dahmer a chef"
"What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change? The double slit experiment."
"Bucks vs. Falcons REPORTER: Lovie, can you say something about your team's execution tonight? LOVIE SMITH: I think it would be a good idea!"
"What sound does a Baroque chicken make? Bach Bach Bach Bach"
"Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays? he was snowden"
"Sikh turban dude"
"30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed."
"At my funeral, I want them to play ""Thriller"" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)"