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Joke of the Day

"""Don't kill it!"" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it."

"My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization."

"What would reunite the Beatles? 2 more bullets"

"""You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"" It always felt like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation..."

"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"

"When i was little i was afraid of dinosaurs But growing up i learned they all died.. Now i am afraid of dinosaurs ghosts"

"How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"I've recently been diagnosed as delusional. Edit: Thanks for my first Reddit gold, people!"

"What do you say when the Batmobile drives by? Na na na na na na na na BAT MAN What do you say when a stolen Batmobile drives by? Na na na na na na na na BLACK MAN"

"A man died in a grain silo... He ran himself to death, trying to find a corner to pee in."