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Joke of the Day

"""You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"" It always felt like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation..."

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"What did the /r/science mod say to the user? [removed]"
"Why is everyone complaining about Mayweather? We're only 4 days in and I think it's been just fine"
"A tombstone that has a scrolling LED marquee of your greatest tweets."
"What's the difference between an American and a British prostitute?... ...one pounds for work the other works for pounds"
"Confucius say, ""Man who can put bait on hook well... ...is a master baiter."""
"Some day, Canada will take over the world. And then we'll all be sorry."
"Apparently, somebody gets stabbed in London every 52 minutes. Poor bastard."
"""Your days are numbered!"" - inventor of the calendar, joyously announcing his accomplishment"
"I don't care what you say about vacuum cleaners They still suck Just like this joke"