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Joke of the Day

"Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks... ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill"

"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."

"How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked? wel-dern"

"Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad"

"I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said ""Die, Decepticons! Die!"""

"What do you call a confused baker? I dough know."

"How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple"

"I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand."

"What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo."