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Joke of the Day

"Josh Gordon sold his first car the other day... (xpost r/nflcirclejerk) it was a beater he sold to Ray Rice."

"When you really want fried potatoes, just remember.... Keep your eyes on the fries"

"Whenever someone says ""I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart"", all I hear is ""I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart""."

"What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip? Recalculating route."

"Forgot to put the salmon in the fridge after dinner so tomorrow for lunch, I'll have the salmon and the shits."

"A girl asked me if I wanted to join her in yoga at 6 am I told her, ""namaste in bed""."

"That old expression: ""hold the phone!"" doesn't work anymore because everyone is already doing that"

"What is the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can actually finish a race..."

"knock knock nice try kiddo, i'm homeless"

"What do you call a werewolf that knows it's a werewolf? A self-awarewolf."