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Joke of the Day

"What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court? Bay leaf get him out if here!"

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"At the club, a 6'1"" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win."
"What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"
"Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby but because she's one of my skinniest friends."
"I was gonna make a dubstep joke... But I dropped it."
"What kind of food do zombies hate? Fast food"
"Apparently if someone has a seizure in the bathtub, its in bad taste to throw your laundry in .. yep. Going to hell right here."
"A stranger phoned me up last night asking me to meet him in the woods because he wanted to see my balls... Weirdo never showed up."
"What do you call a bovine beauty pageant winner? A big Miss Steak."
"I treat my women like I treat my cereal Spoon first to get it wet, then eat it. P.S. I love fat chicks."