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Joke of the Day

"Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you"

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb One... but the lightbulb has to want to change."

"why dont they ever have plagues of endangered animals, like a plague of panda bears. oh no our entire bamboo crop is gone haha"

"What's the hardest thing about Rollerblading? Telling your dad you're gay."

"How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden"

"Optimism The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a threesome."

"I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you."

"What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight? Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!"

"Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe."

"How does a Syrian family have a meal? The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards."