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Joke of the Day

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Circus Clown Barbie ...complete with scary face paint and scary wig"

"Jesus wouldn't have been good at Twitter He would've only had twelve followers."

"*Wife sends me a link* *I click on link* *Buy whatever's at the link* *wait for delivery* ~Christmas shopping for my wife"

"They're finally making a movie about that guy who had a romantic relationship with his clock. It's about fucking time."

"I wish there was a Mormon version of The Bachelor. That way none of the women would have to be eliminated."

"People who say ""in and of itself"" are responsible for most of the trouble in the world."

"What did the Jew say at the Football game? Get the quarter back!"

"If a tree falls in the woods.... .....and no one is around to hear it. Will a hipster buy the soundtrack?"

"My dad's take on 35 years of marriage. Me: ""Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"" Dad: ""Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."" Mom: ""Awww!"" Dad: ""...Underwater."""

"There is a special place for people who leave long voicemails, but until the ground thaws, they stay in the freezer."