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Joke of the Day

"What do you call fat people eating McDonalds? Cannibalism"

"Congratulations, you've won a free - A free what? I can't hear you over my muted speakers. Owned that bitch."

"My doctor says that I'm unstable and that I should get a lobotomy... Fuck him, first thing in the morning I'm gonna march right in there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"If someone casts me in a live musical I promise to go off book and start talking about 9/11"

"What do members of secret societies use when they get a head cold? An Illumi-neti pot"

"Does anyone have a really good racists or sexist knock knock joke?"

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was."

"ME: Have you seen my denim jacket? GF: No, but it's okay. Just checked the weather & it's not going to be the 1980s today..."

"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"

"Steps to being cool A) Use the sunglasses face B)"