100639

Joke of the Day

"Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, ""Who's Siri?"""

"When I die I want my skeleton turned into a xylophone. Just like the good ol' days."

"Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president? Because he doesn't do cardio."

"Is a hippopotamus really a hippopotamus.. Or just a really cool-opotamus?"

"Is it okay to marry your second cousin? [xpost from /r/dadjokes] Sure, as long as you're legally divorced from the first one."

"I know a trick to make my dick 2 meters long... ... I fold it in half."

"A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy."

"I went to a massage parlor today... When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often."

"There aren't that many casinos in Africa. Cause there are too many cheetahs. And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you."

"I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a ring binder. I haven't been able to do a shit since..."