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Joke of the Day

"I tried to start learning French verbs... ...but it's impossible with all the new pronouns."

"What does a mathematician do about constipation? Sits down and works it out with a pencil."

"I only like two kinds of pie Hot and cold"

"What do you call a brown guy in between two buildings? Ali."

"Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it."

"*whispering to my newborn son* weed is tight. im siked for u to try it son. im so excited for you. i love you"

"Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party."

"I think I'm going to adopt a kid.. Recycling is important, after all."

"A member of the Army Corps of Engineers was working on the design of the bottom of an android ""What exactly is going on?"", I asked. He replied, ""A Major engineering feet."""

"[sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette"