100579

Joke of the Day

"Nissan trucks. What, are you expecting there to be a punch line?"

"New Parent Idea: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest. 2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10."

"Never under estimate the value of stretching...the truth."

"What do you call the boyfriend of a beheaded prositute? The headless whore's man"

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"Was told to unfold my graduation gown to get rid of the square creases replied that I'd rather graduate with more degrees."

"I forget, are you supposed to be happy when you see their exes are ugly, or worried that you might be ugly too?"

"Yay know, I'm no pedophile, but this childporn charge is some bullshit... Since when was it illegal search for euthanasia?"

"I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year. Roll on 2016."

"""I make everything sad, but I'll class your shit up."" - Violins"