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Joke of the Day

"ME: do dogs think we have three mouths because we pick stuff up with our hands? VET: where exactly is your dog ME: he's uh coming later"

"A neckbeard is talking to his friend about his trip to the doctor. He said they found a tumor, it's... M'lignant"

"How do I explain to my dog tonight that thunder isn't the all powerful god of canine destruction searching for him with every boom"

"Back to the Future IV: Marty Mcfly stops being obsessed with his own family and goes back in time to kill Hitler."

"Exclamation points are cocaine for sentences!"

"I hope Death is a woman.... That way it will never come for me."

"Why was the harvester pleaded guilty? Cause he's a cereal killer."

"TIL that Benjamin Franklin loved containers. It was frequently said that Ben was on a bin binge."

"As a child I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything."