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Joke of the Day

"A neckbeard is talking to his friend about his trip to the doctor. He said they found a tumor, it's... M'lignant"

"What do sailors eat for breakfast? Naval oranges"

"How did Peter Parker know Mary Jane was cheating on him? He spied her man."

"How would you tell if the Queen was stoned? Her Highness will tell you"

"[At vet] Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells. Vet: What have you been feeding him? Me: Egg shells."

"Why did the Jews roam the desert for 40+ years? Because Moses lost a quarter."

"Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through."

"I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey."

"Based on the novel 'Push Notifications' by iSapphire"

"Did you hear about the theft at the babysitter convention? The police ended up searching every crooked nanny"