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Joke of the Day

"What makes women who own dogs such hot girlfriend material is that you KNOW that foxy mama is used to picking up turds"

"ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo"

"Why does the divorced guy keep a tampon on the top of his tv set? To remind him of the cunt that has his DVD player."

"An eskimo on holiday in Wales... His car breaks down. A Welshman looks under the bonnet and says, ""you've blown a seal"" Eskimo says ""so what, you fuck sheep"""

"[Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn."

"Brexit EU now has 1 GB of free space!!"

"So there are 2 fish in a tank... And one says to the other: ""Hey, how do you drive this thing??"""

"Did you hear about the skinny guy that visited Alaska? I guess he came back a husky fucker."

"Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway."

"My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me."