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Joke of the Day

"What do women and hand grenades have in common? When you pull the ring off, your house goes away"

"An old lady on the bus just tried to set me up with her daughter. Here's everything she knows about me: 1) I don't have a car"

"I saved my girlfriends phone number as LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly."

"TIL that 9/10 Doctors agree , drinking water is good for children The tenth doctor lives in Flint, Michigan. EDIT: calm down /u/Andimbacksucker"

"Psychiatrist cannibal by day, pop star singing sensation by night Hannibal Montanibal"

"I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed."

"What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers? I can't remember."

"Procrastination is just like masturbation It feels good but you wish someone else would just do it for you."

"I was wondering... since there are great white sharks, how come there aren't any great black sharks? Then i realized even if there were, they probably couldn't swim..."

"BRAKING NEWS ... A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case."