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Joke of the Day
"Automatic doors don't work when running full speed. I know that now."
Next Joke
"Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh...sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT"
"Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments..."
"What do you call an apathetic Russian? A So-be-it."
"I'm a Mexican with a black belt Call me Juan Punch"
"My roommates get angry when I steal their kitchen utensils But frankly, thats a whisk I'm willing to take."
"NFL No Fingers Left"
"I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat."
"People ask where I see myself in 5 years But I always tell them that I don't have 2020 vision"
"Se7en, but instead of deadly sins, the murders are based on different Smurfs."