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Joke of the Day

"here is a self depreciating joke. **Q: What is the difference between me and a brick?** A: Bricks get laid"

"My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died... she was attacked by a giant crab"

"I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story"

"TIFU by crashing my car The last thing that went through my mind was my anus"

"1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil."

"What does a Gynecologist and Pizza Delivery guy have in common? Both get to smell the goods but neither get to eat it. (A straight rip from /r/funny with my apologies)"

"Hillary and Trump are on a sinking boat, who survives? America."

"""Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside"" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*"

"""Knock knock"" If you hear knocking come from your screen then you definitely need to go and see an expert."

"Just got out of heart surgery with a surgeon who had tremors. I'm quite shaken up about it. Sorry if this is a repost."