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Joke of the Day

"Just got out of heart surgery with a surgeon who had tremors. I'm quite shaken up about it. Sorry if this is a repost."

"In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn't have Twitter in the 80s"

"Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode."

"How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it? Play the piano until you find the right key."

"I asked Santa for a new energy policy... ...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-("

"*Brings a hammer to a thumb war.*"

"""It's okay, man. There are a lot of fish in the sea."" -Weird way to comfort someone whose nephew has just died."

"What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station? Cu Copper."

"why do they call it an owl? because when you see it you turn your head 270 degrees and fly away"

"A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a chair"