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Joke of the Day

"Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me."

"What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size? Four-tified"

"I watched a bunch of people build a ship... It was riveting."

"How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!"

"Hit a cop car last night. The driver let me off with a warning..... ""Anything you say can and will be used against you."""

"How does an international banker have a good Friday night? He goes to a bar and slips somebody a Rupee, then gives them a Franc and some Deutsche Marks."

"I like my women how I like my coffee... In a Styrofoam cup"

"What's the difference between a gun and a radical feminist? A gun only has one trigger."

"I like my women like I like my cars Black, loud, heavy, and full of gas."

"Pretty woman wouldn't have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior."