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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!"

"Have you guys seen Paula Deen's new restaurant menus? They only serve crackers."

"LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender. Spread the word."

"A nail walks into a bar And gets hammered."

"What did the sorority girl say when she couldn't eat another bite of pie? I literally pecan't right now."

"According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, ""I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."""

"My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils... ...but that's a whisk i'm willing to take."

"I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Cronkite ! Cronkite who ? Cronkite evidence !"

"Are you the 7th planet from the sun? Cause I sure would like to probe Uranus."