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Joke of the Day

"Hit a cop car last night. The driver let me off with a warning..... ""Anything you say can and will be used against you."""

"I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin."

"Why is it better to hire fifty $20 hookers rather than a single $1000 escort? More poorgasms"

"Why does the little mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells are to small and D shells are to big."

"What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky? *Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer."

"What do you call a boy with no arms and an eyepatch???? Names"

"It's white, it's ceramic, and it taps on your door. Let that sink in."

"Wondering what atrocity I committed in a former life to deserve this shitty parking space."

"My boss dropped a pen, bent to pick it up, my b-ball instincts took over, I slapped his ass, said 'nice hustle' & now I need a new job."

"What possible bit about trying to buy a large number of ice cream containers and two boxes of tampons says I want to chat you up, douchebag?"