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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, if you don't want men looking at your cleavage then you shouldn't wear low cut shirts in an area I can see you with my binoculars."

"TIL that the term ""A stroke of luck"" has more than one meaning- -when my fortune teller gave me a handjob."

"""Fight Fire with Fire!"" - motto of my town's least successful volunteer fire company"

"Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl."

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher."

"I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

"I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long."

"* tries to spread peanut butter * Peanut Butter: I have a boyfriend"

"""Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"""

"French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. ""We swear at it"""