124698

Joke of the Day

"Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler)"

"What is a pirate's favorite drink? The HI-C! (punchline must be said in proper pirate voice) (this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)"

"Not now, kids. Daddy's pretending to be a woman on the Internet"

"Whenever I'm done with peeing, I like to sing ""shake it off"" when I'm done."

"Are spambots as flirty with everyone else or do I actually have a legitimate shot?"

"Hell yes, I have the body of a Greek god: nice abs, expressionless eyes, genitals shot off by bored soldiers during The Franco-Prussian War"

"u chill bro? u enlightened bro? u got the secret bro? u feel the oneness bro? u transcendental bro? u alive bro?"

"You may be cool.. ...but you'll never be -274 C cool."

"The son tells his dad he just lost his virginity Dad: That's my boy, come sit here and tell me how it was! Son: I can't sit down, dad..."

"A word to the wise. A paragraph to the smart. A long-form essay to the oblivious. A silent, meaningful gesture to the enlightened."