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Joke of the Day

"Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus? Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)"

"""Can I have more of these mouse spears?"" ""Sir those are toothpicks"" ""I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"""

"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... ... Just kidding"

"INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes...why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]"

"""nooooooo!!!"" - 20 yr old me seeing how much weed 35 yr old me brushes onto the floor to get ready for company"

"*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*"

"Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go."

"My mom told me to stop watching TV and read something. So I turned on the subtitles."

"James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied ""Dye another day."""

"just got my nipples pierced! and they gave me a discount because I have so many!"