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Joke of the Day

"Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds."

"My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark."

"Never make puns during a Scrabble match. Your opponent may not like your wordplay."

"Live this day as if it is your last. And if it turns out it isn't, make a great many apologies tomorrow."

"My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the market buying cereal and I thought, 'I agree with his priorities.'"

"Why is the moon like a dollar? It has four quarters."

"Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them? In memory of all the faces that have been buried there."

"I chose to be gay because women are such assholes to me. Fuck em"

"I took my item up to the counter. ""I'd like to return this,"" I said, with a tear in my eye, ""It didn't work."" He said, ""I'm sorry. We can't do that with condoms."""

"*murderer looking for me* Murderer: I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me... Me under bed: *cry sings* He's just a poor boy from a poor family"