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Joke of the Day

"ME: we can do this GOOGLE SMART CAR: we can't clear the bridge ME: *mashes 'im feeling lucky' button*"

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"What does Ellen Pao have in common with the girl's mom from 'The Sixth Sense'? The both have no idea why everyone stopped talking and just stared at her."
"why do we park in the driveway but fetishize an impossible and ridiculous masculinity on the hemingway"
"Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book"
"""Sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately."" guy who actually thinks people notice when he's not tweeting"
"I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget."
"A man walks in to a library and asks for a book on Amnesia. The librarian replies, ""fuck off, you'll forget to bring it back"" To which the man replies, ""bring what back?"""
"Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
"The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets. I'm surprised someone could stoop so low."
"I'm studying Feminism at my university It basically covers different periods in history."