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Joke of the Day

"I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit."

"What's a capitalist's favourite dessert? PROFITeroles. Bad, I know."

"How do druggies store their data? LSD Cards."

"Why do virgins never stand still? They are used to being chaste."

"Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid."

"Good thing the silica gel packet that came with my shoes was marked ""DO NOT EAT"". I assume all new shoes come with snacks."

"What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster. ^(I'll show myself out)"

"Why was the scare crow given an award? Because he is outstanding in his field."

"Why did the NSA spy on Germany ? Because after meeting with Merkel, they heard Obama say ""I'd tap that""."

"Even the name ""OK Cupid"" sounds like you're telling love to, like, settle down."