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Joke of the Day

"Getting a tub. Filling it with cookies. Pouring milk over it. Pretending to eat a giant's cereal. Horrifying my wife."

"Bill Clinton has been battling the same illness for 17 years. Pneumonica."

"9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said ""He's thirsty and likes to lick himself."" I couldn't argue with that."

"I recently adopted a highway, since I am unfortunately unable to have a biological highway"

"Why are there so many old people in Church? They're cramming for the final."

"People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta."

"What do you get when you cross a mad cow and an angry sheep? ...An animal in a very baaaaaaad mooooooood"

"Did you hear about the hermit in the storm cloud? I heard the advice he gives is enlightning!"

"A dog is ironing shirts and cursing under it's breath: ""What a fool I was! Bring me the slippers, my ass!""."

"What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears? Anything you want, He can't hear you!"