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Joke of the Day

"Chef Joke. What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking? Gordan Ramses"

"How are tigers like sergeants in the army ? They both wear stripes !"

"Captain America's shield was made of Adamantium. What was Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."

"Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness? The border."

"God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]"

"So Aliens Arrive ""Earth has a species with advanced warfare, they seem intelligent."" ""No, they have it aimed at themselves."""

"Doc: Maam, due to the accident your daughter cant... Mom: Cant what?! D: She cant even. She literally cannot even. M: *single tear falls*"

"ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money"

"You ever hear about the guy who goosed the ghost? He got a handful of sheet."

"How I reacted to the Fine Bros controversy... [deleted]"