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Joke of the Day
"When I get my paycheck I turn into Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings'."
Next Joke
"I put a life-size alien doll in my passenger seat for halloween and I've caught myself talking to it 3 times"
"When my son loses his 1st tooth, Im putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says ""I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"""
"What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're? ad homonym"
"Why do windbreakers smell bad? Because all they do is break wind."
"""He be dead."" Who? Your English teacher?"
"What does a pirate get when he walks into a second-hand shop? Disappointed."
"If life gives you melons... ...you may be dyslexic."
"Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer? He liked wearing scarves before it got cool."
"HER: I'm ending this ME: why? HER: you're way too literal ME: I promise I can change HER: prove it ME: *puts on a different shirt*"