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Joke of the Day

"Alcoholism doesn't run in my family. It walks. You spill less beer that way."

"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."

"I made up a joke about the 4th dimension It's about time."

"I wish someone would leave a horse's head in my bed so that when my kids sneak up on me in the morning, I can be like, BAM, horse's head."

"If you put a picture of yourself in a locket, you could say you are... Independant"

"In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find"

"How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through."

"Two cats decided to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff... The first cat jumped. The other was too much of a pussy."

"Did you know frogs can jump higher than houses? This is for two reasons: 1. Frogs have extremely strong hind legs. 2. Houses can't jump."

"What do wooden whales eat? A plankton."